My Mamaw

Last night at 10:30pm God and Jesus decided that it was time for my Mamaw to come and live with them. I am so happy for her that she will be able to walk with God, talk with God, be in the only perfect place and not feel the suffering of this life. But I will miss her more than words can explain. I love her so much!!! We had absolutely beautiful moments today. We all surrounded her in her home and did our best to make her as comfortable as possible with the help of amazing nurses from hospice. I will always remember the moment that her husband, her daughters, and every one of her grandchildren stood at her bed with our hands on her, telling her we loved her. She was ready to leave this world, and over the past few days she told us so. Cancer is such a mean disease and I am so glad she did not have to live with it long. She was diagnosed less than a month ago. She left us very peacefully and as comfortable as possible.

I have been planning on writing letters to our baby during our wait to help me cope with it, and to show my baby our side of their special story. I have started different ones but never posted any on here. I decided tonight will be the first short letter to our baby.....

Dear Baby,

Today was a sad day for us. Your great grandmother went to Heaven today. You would have called her Mamaw as all our family does. She was the most wonderful woman. She was beautiful inside and out and touched so many peoples lives. I only hope that I can be half the women she was because I know that would mean I will be a good mother to you. She was a faithful Christian. Mamaw was so devoted to all her family, and I pray I can show you just a piece of how she was, with my life. I don't want you to be sad that you didn't get to meet her. I have been mourning that for you already. Every year that has gone by without you in my arms, I mourned a little more, knowing the two of you may not meet. I have mourned and grieved this for several years and finally came to accept it just in the last three to six months. Im sorry that you did not get to see her or be with her in this life, but I will pray that you will one day meet her in Heaven. 

I love you so much already,

Mom