realizing your place

realizing my place in the world was not a good day for me. its realizing what you want doesn't matter. it just doesn't. i know that sounds incredibly depressing, however i believe it to be true. because no matter what i want or how bad i want it it's not up to me. it's not my decision. i can't will anything to happen. as much as we want to be and act like we are in control, we aren't and never will be. coming to terms with this is utterly humbling. sometimes i think- is God sure this is right, sometimes i ask Him- are you sure. i feel like it is so wrong. but He decides. even if it's not my decisions and feels like punishment. this is one of the struggles with Christianity i am facing right now. this is a big hurdle. i know i need to be submissive and just give in to His plan, but i struggle with it. i want my ideas and my plans to be the right ones because of course i think i am right. i realize that whether i'm submissive or not really doesn't matter, He is still in control. I just have trouble letting go and giving in. sometimes i feel like i'm fighting Him, like we are working against each other. I really need to find the strength to let go and give to God
i think everyone goes through this at some point or another, but maybe not. you don't really hear people talking about it. but i do wonder if every Christian has struggled with this issue or will in the future. its seems no matter the subject or desire as a Christian you could have this struggle