BB

BB stands for a baby boy. Our third baby was a boy. A few months after we lost bean and after much discussion we decided to undergo fertility testing. The appt. was set for 8/12/10. On July 30th 2010 we got our third BFP. I was happy, but instantly regretted not waiting until after we had done testing. I called the reproductive endocrinologist(RE) and right away she started blood work and moved the dr appt up to that week. The RE was wonderful and started following me very close and testing me for things that could cause early losses. I was 1st diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I was not happy about taking medicine the rest of my life, but thought maybe this is the problem and I'll get to keep this baby. Since I wanted to believe that was the only issue I started having guilt for not finding out earlier because maybe it would have prevented me from having lost peanut and bean. Anyhow, I started taking my meds and was feeling good about this pregnancy. I had my 1st ultrasound at 5 wks and saw what was expected, not much. I went for my 2nd ultrasound at around 6 weeks, I could not have been more nervous, and for the first and only time I saw a heartbeat. It was a perfect little flicker on the screen. I felt immediate relief at that moment but only hours later the anxiety came back. I knew that peanut probably had a heartbeat at some point. I just had not seen it. We waited a little less than two weeks for the next ultrasound. At this point I had lost the confidence and hope I had in the pregnancy. I don't know how but there were two things I felt like I knew one it was a boy and two I had lost him. I told J these two feelings I had, and have never been more sad about being right. Again the ultrasound room proved to be a terrifying and unforgettable experience as I stared at the screen looking for a heartbeat that was there just two weeks before. It had stopped not long after I had gotten to see it based on the size of BB. The RE talked me into a D&C for further testing, even though it wasn't what I wanted, I was willing to try anything for answers. So on 9/2/10 baby boy was taken from my body.